So recently, I have been feeling kind of low, and stressed out. I feel like a useless piece of **** and I feel like no matter how much I work hard, and no matter how hard I try, I am falling behind.
I mean yah, I am caught up in my studies, well at least I hope I am, but then I look at the syllabus and it overwhelms me. I feel so stressed out and I am not even taking the course load most people take in University. I compare myself to others (and I know that that is not a good thing to do) but I do it anyways, and when I do that, I feel stupid. I mean I was valedictorian of my class, I should be smarter and more efficient than what I am. I mean I know University is an entire new ball game, but I should be able to cope.
I am also feeling super unhealthy. I have suffered my entire life, with body insecurities. My cheeks are too fat, my chin is multiplying, my arms jiggle, my stomach is gigantic, my sausage legs are the centre of attention. I tried eating healthy, I tried not eating (although that did not last very long - because a girl's gotta eat), I tried going to the gym. Nothing seems to stick. I took it upon myself today, to take a big step.
I put on some running shoes, and workout attire, grabbed the house key, zoned into the music, and went for a jog. Well... I didn't really jog all that much, it was more of a fast paced walk with a couple sections of jogging. I went around a couple crescents and came back home. I know it wasn't much, and was only about a 40 minute walk/jog, but it was a start, and I am gonna make it a point to do this everyday.
I came home and did some leg and ab workouts, in my own home. Then I had a sandwich and felt pretty good. I felt super healthy, but whoever said exercise makes you feel more awake, was drunk because I felt exhausted. After my healthy supper, I went grocery shopping, I bought healthier options. I bought fruits, yogourt, and almond milk so I can start making breakfast smoothies.
I am excited for this new lifestyle I am choosing and I guess the point to my babbling, is do what makes you feel good. No one is your biggest judge except for yourself. Yah, I have ugly arms, and ugly legs and don't tell me I don't because that is what I see, not what you necessarily see, but I will do my best to become healthier for me. I want to look better, and overall feel better.
As for the entire school worries, maybe working out will help me feel less stressed out. Maybe by making my body happy, my mind and heart will be happier too.
Anyway, sorry for babbling, but now I guess I will go do some homework.